Age Old Remedies

It’s Christmas time and, as usual, we have a live tree in the corner of our living room. It’s a Balsam fir – the most fragrant of all Christmas trees, featuring short, soft needles. The only problem is, I won’t be able to smell it. That’s right. I’ve got a nasty Christmas cold!

Normally people get a cold a couple of times a year, but I was long overdue. A few weeks ago, I noticed the cold season was in full swing when my friends started getting sick; first Jenna, then Delaine, then my Aunt Joan, and then my sisters! Mom tried to get me to take some natural remedies, even though I wasn’t sick yet – her attempt to keep me from coming down with a real hum-dinger. But why take medicine if you aren’t sick? I resisted all her efforts to make me take those infernal cold remedies.

Last week, I really thought I was getting sick because I had a scratchy throat and watery eyes. I told Elizabeth that I was going to keep a hit list with all the names of the people who got me sick, but it turns out that I was just feeling bad from staying up late writing.

Today was the day of reckoning, however! I know that I’m sick. I have a runny nose and I feel run down. I usually like to just wait a cold out, but I’m going to have to take some sort of medicine real soon. In our kitchen cabinets we have several natural remedies that taste bad enough to make your head spin, thus rendering you unconscious and making you forget that you were sick in the first place. The worst of these is Grapefruit Seed Extract. I really hate this stuff – even if it is supposed to be strong enough to kill strep throat in just a few doses. I mean grapefruit (without sugar) is bad enough, but Grapefruit Seed Extract is so bitter that you have to drink it with orange juice to cover the obnoxious taste! I’ve taken it a couple of times with just plain water and, whew, it’s nasty!

Now don’t get me wrong, I have never been squeamish about taking medicine. I mean, if you can swallow a little pill by chugging it down with something else it can’t be too bad, right? Definitely not compared with what they used to do in the old days. After reading about some of these remedies on the internet, I think I’ll go take some Grapefruit Seed Extract!

To get rid of a wart: kill a black cat and burying it under the light of a full moon.

To get rid of a cold: stay in bed and keep a mustard plaster on your chest.

To get rid of a boil, use lard and mix a snuff to make a paste; apply and cover

To cure the measles: boil corn fodder and make a tea.

For tonsillitis/sore throat: put three drops of kerosene on a teaspoon of sugar and take for three nights;

To cure the chicken pox, lie in the chicken coop and let a black chicken fly over you.